Moving On Relationship Quotes Funny

A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games.

The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection.

Note – The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

The key to a good relationship

My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.

Chuck Norris has a bear carpet in his house, the bear isn’t dead its just afraid to move.

My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.

Chuck Norris has a bear carpet in his house, the bear isn’t dead its just afraid to move.

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.

Relationships these days start

I’m going to open a new Facebook account named ‘Anonymous’ so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!

To thrive in life you need three bones. A wish bone, a back bone, and a funny bone.

Isn’t it funny that the number 2 pencil is the most popular?

Funny sign at health spa: Fresh 10,000 year old mud for sale.

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

The book of records wanted to give me the record for the biggest liar, but I lied that I moved out of the country.

The book of records wanted

I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.

Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it’s not red!

Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it’s not red!

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.

I thought I was promiscuous,

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

“If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.”

“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.”

“I’m now making a Jewish porno film. Ten percent sex, 90 percent guilt.”

“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”

My friends tell me I have

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”

“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.”

“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.”

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.”