Funny Work Quotes Lenin Anthony | June 19, 2018 | Author | No Comments Charles Chaplin QuotesTop Quotes by The Author of It’s Not Easy Bein’ Me…Popular Quotes by Comedic Genius Charlie Chaplin“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie “Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” – Dennis Wholey “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” – Mark Twain “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” – Will Rogers “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” – Billy Connolly “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Norman Wisdom “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Prince Philip “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection” – Drake “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.” – Rodney Dangerfield “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” – Winston Churchill “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” – Groucho Marx “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – John F. Kennedy “When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.” – Jane Wagner “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese” – Steven Wright “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” – Lana Turner “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz “When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.” – Clarence Darrow “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.” – George Carlin “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” – Mark Twain “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch “If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade.” – Ron White “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” – Jeffree Star “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” – Steven Wright “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright “I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?” – George Carlin “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde Related Posts Diego Godín Quotes No Comments | Jun 9, 2018 Largest Retailer in India Mukesh Ambani Quotes No Comments | Jan 13, 2017 Working Hard Quotes No Comments | Jun 19, 2018 Sergio Busquets Quotes No Comments | Jun 7, 2018 Add a Comment Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment:*Name:* Email Address:* Website: Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.